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A Story Of How My Kids Decided To Train Me To Become A Navy Seal

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I think my kids have ganged up on me and I think they’ve got the puppy on board. He’s how I imagine it went down…

It was in the evening, during their pre-bedtime cuddle session in Lara’s bed when they assure me they will sleep nicely together, only for me to have to separate them 15 minutes later because all they do is play and rile each other up. But OK, it’s become a part of our routine so that’s fine. Buuuut, I think that on one of these recent nights they’ve concocted a plan designed to bring me to the brink of insanity.

This is how I think the conversation went:

Lara (I’m guessing she’s the mastermind): “Lev, wanna drive mom nuts?”

Lev: “No. (because everything is NO right now)

Lara: “Come on, it’ll be fun. We won’t go too far, I promise!”

Lev: “Ooook.” (what he says when he finally realizes that something might actually be fun)

Lara: “OK, here’s what we’ll do. We’ll make a mess out of every room in the house, every day, all the time, so it’s impossible for her to clean up. And when she asks us to tidy up, we’ll ignore her. We’ll also ignore her when she asks us to do anything else like brushing teeth, getting dressed, putting on shoes, coming in the bathroom for a bath, eating… We’ll pretty much be a bunch of anarchists. Sound good? Oh, we’ll also tell the dog that pretty much any place in the apartment is potty worthy. She’ll love that!”

Lev (still very innocent): “Ufff I’m not sure, I love mom, she holds my hand at 5 AM when I can’t sleep anymore.”

Lara: “I love her too! She lets me sleep in her bed when dad’s gone, which is awesome! Love has got nothing to do with it. It’ll be good for her. It’ll toughen her up. Trust me.”

Lev: “Ooook.”

Lara: “Awesome, let’s see how long she lasts hehehehehe (starts laughing like Bette Middler in Hocus Pocus).

Lev, who also perfected this laugh joins her.

And this is what I think has been going on. But I’m onto them. I can see what they’re doing. But I won’t crack even if I have to ask Lara to put on a sweater and for the 50th time and even if it takes me 20 minutes to get Lev in the car and even if the dog pees on my foot. I am a navy seal. I am a mother!

By the end of the month when Vid gets home, the kids and the dog will be housebroken. Mark my words, children, GAME ON, GAME ON! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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